They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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