i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
