Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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