i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
