were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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