i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
