She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize