Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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