Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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