i barfeds in our rink
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize