We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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