she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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