well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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