I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
