How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
