FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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