Can i not drive my cunt home
It was confusing and full of hummus
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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