You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
