we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
