can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize