And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
