Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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