when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
