so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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