One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
