Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize