is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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