Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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