I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
