I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize