Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
