Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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