i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
