Tell her she can't have a vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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