OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
