I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
