she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
