You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need water and some morals
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
