All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
