dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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