i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
