Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
