# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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