You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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