Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
