it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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