i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
