i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
