Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
