My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
