the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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