That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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