I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
