im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
