2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
