Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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