Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
