My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
