I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
