That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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