My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
