I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
