My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
