She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
